You Know You Have Lived in Italy When....
I have been in Itlay for over a year now, and have been thinking about how some of my views have changed since then on all things from food, clothes, politics, and tolerance. Here is my list, if you have lived in Italy, you know you are adapting when:
1. One day, after being snarky with a smile, spying on the neighbors fight (and knowing all the details), pushing food with a purpose, and doing things calculatingly, you shockingly realize you have more in common with Marie (the over-nurturing, manipulative, intrusive, controlling Italian mother-in-law) than with Debra (the overworked, painfully tolerantly nice, underappreciated all-American wife) in the American TV show, "Everybody Loves Raymond". Debra just doesn't get it: Marie is the real boss and always will be till. she. dies. And you sadly see that you were aspiring to reach the rank of Marie. In order to avoid that, you attempt a make over on your personality turning it back to the Nice American Girl by listening to some jazz, switching to country, and trying to think positive using words like "awesome, amazing, fantastic, unique and fabulous" and get back to your all-American roots while repeating a mantra of, "I will not turn into Marie Barone, I will not turn into Marie Barone."
2. Your no longer count your adored flip-flops and clogs as "real shoes". They are now mentally categorized as shower shoes and house shoes. You can differentiate a pair of good leather boots from bad ones in a heartbeat.
3. You view your family like a soccer player would his team: there is a captain (usually grandma), strong team players, and the ones you know should sit it out so they don't ruin the game (of life). Every personal move is done strategically thinking how it will keep the team strong. Team meetings are done in the kitchen with the coach and captain always present (Grandma and Mom, or the next female matriarch in line).
4. Dinner is always served on a tablecloth and eaten together as a family. You learn to respect meal time as a sacred moment where you re-nourish your body. You sit when you get a coffee and enjoy it. Memories of frozen dinners, grabbing Starbucks, dinners on the couch and fast food are thought of with a cold shudder.
5. Driving surrounded by Italian drivers no longer scares you. Two lane roads are really three or four lane roads depending on the size of the cars. The road can go from being one way to drivers using it for both directions with U-turns, honking and foul hand signals if someone goes slow.
6. You walk fast, keep your purse close and don't make eye contact. When you do make eye contact it is with a friend, you can talk for 20 minutes and not share any personal information and keep to the topics of the "crisis", taxes and food.
7. Screaming politicians no longer faze you. In fact, screams no longer faze you, they are now categorized as "discussions". You expect people to disagree with everything, dislike most things (even if they like it but this way they get a better price or make someone feel self-conscious) and you know that things are ok if people are still talking, no matter the volume of the dialogue.
8. Silence means real trouble, especially from women. If they have nothing to say...it's like the end of the world. Someone has messed up bad and they better fix it and look very repentant. Verbal apologies mean nothing in Italy. You better show you are sorry and earn back some credibility.
9. You can have an entire conversation with hand signals and facial expressions, changing the conversation while you do from: "Are you ok? Are you hungry? Pasta? Short pasta? At 1:30? Ok. The lady infront of you in line is taking too long, crazy and busting everyones balls." Then go strait faced from one second to the other.
10. Expressions in English start to seem bland and you find yourself choosing to use more and more translations for your Italian word into English. And Italian judgements from good to terrible are just so much more colorful, various, raw and captivating. You prefer to talk about your bad day in Italian and your good day in English. Your talk about your good food in Italian and anything needing organization in English. You realize Italy is complicated: Excel spreadsheets, Google maps, and online forms just ruined the work of 1 million Italian secretaries who were previously out to make peoples day terribly complicated, just for fun, before their 30 minute smoke break.
11. A 6th century castle remodled in the 15th century seems to have been renovated recently. And World War 2 seems to have happened last month. You can still see the damages still in some places, long agonizing lists of the dead in little tiny towns where it seems almost everyone died, and people still side with Mussolini.
12. You start to look forward to being a retired grandparent even if you have not yet had your own children. Grandchildren are just so much cuter, less of a responsibility, and you can have a little dog with a little sweater, get a monthly pension and cut in line at almost any store using your bad hip as an excuse then ride your bike home.
13. You can differentiate an American from an Italian from a mile away, debate helping them, then decide to let them have an Italian experience and get lost. They will boast about "Getting lost on the little streets of Italy and meeting an adorable old man (who overcharged them)" later on Facebook.
14. You know a good cheese and uphold it like a dear friend in your soul. You are willing to wait till market day to walk 30 mintues in the cold to the cheese man who brings in the good stuff from Puglia. Your husband looks at you like you just turned into a pillar of gold when he tastes the cheese you bought with knowledge.
15. You start thinking of Italy in regions, not as a country. Each region has its own dialect, diverse history, customs and food that go back centuries and you better not confuse a Roman with a Brescian, or a Brescian with a Sicilian (one was Austrian the other Muslim years and years back). Everyone is deeply proud of the place where they were born. You find a place of Italy you relate to hang onto it deep in your soul.
16. You start to believe that pasta can fix everything. Tummy ache? Rigatone, a bit more than al dente with olive oil and salt. Feeling weak? Spaghetti with cream and muscles will fix you. On a diet? Get skinny with some ricotta over a bowl of Penne. Heartbreak? Pasta with tomato and sausages will boost your mood. Frustrated with work? Pasta with clams and a white wine sauce. Do you have the flu, a cold, or nausea? Broth with tiny pasta will settle you down. Ah....the miracle of pasta.
17. You know the main piazza (plaza) was where couples met, gossip was spread, meetings were held, and people were publicly ashamed if they were poor, underdressed, or had anything worth gossiping about. You know things haven't changed and that there are Grannies On Guard watching the town people and passing the reports to the next ones on rotation (unless it is raining) so you take the long detour to get where you need to go and avoid being seen and discussed.
And that is about it. 17 is an uneven number, it is unerving to end on it, but that type of thing would be typical in Italy like TV shows that start at 8:43 and end at 9:03. I hope you enjoyed it!
1. One day, after being snarky with a smile, spying on the neighbors fight (and knowing all the details), pushing food with a purpose, and doing things calculatingly, you shockingly realize you have more in common with Marie (the over-nurturing, manipulative, intrusive, controlling Italian mother-in-law) than with Debra (the overworked, painfully tolerantly nice, underappreciated all-American wife) in the American TV show, "Everybody Loves Raymond". Debra just doesn't get it: Marie is the real boss and always will be till. she. dies. And you sadly see that you were aspiring to reach the rank of Marie. In order to avoid that, you attempt a make over on your personality turning it back to the Nice American Girl by listening to some jazz, switching to country, and trying to think positive using words like "awesome, amazing, fantastic, unique and fabulous" and get back to your all-American roots while repeating a mantra of, "I will not turn into Marie Barone, I will not turn into Marie Barone."
2. Your no longer count your adored flip-flops and clogs as "real shoes". They are now mentally categorized as shower shoes and house shoes. You can differentiate a pair of good leather boots from bad ones in a heartbeat.
3. You view your family like a soccer player would his team: there is a captain (usually grandma), strong team players, and the ones you know should sit it out so they don't ruin the game (of life). Every personal move is done strategically thinking how it will keep the team strong. Team meetings are done in the kitchen with the coach and captain always present (Grandma and Mom, or the next female matriarch in line).
4. Dinner is always served on a tablecloth and eaten together as a family. You learn to respect meal time as a sacred moment where you re-nourish your body. You sit when you get a coffee and enjoy it. Memories of frozen dinners, grabbing Starbucks, dinners on the couch and fast food are thought of with a cold shudder.
5. Driving surrounded by Italian drivers no longer scares you. Two lane roads are really three or four lane roads depending on the size of the cars. The road can go from being one way to drivers using it for both directions with U-turns, honking and foul hand signals if someone goes slow.
6. You walk fast, keep your purse close and don't make eye contact. When you do make eye contact it is with a friend, you can talk for 20 minutes and not share any personal information and keep to the topics of the "crisis", taxes and food.
7. Screaming politicians no longer faze you. In fact, screams no longer faze you, they are now categorized as "discussions". You expect people to disagree with everything, dislike most things (even if they like it but this way they get a better price or make someone feel self-conscious) and you know that things are ok if people are still talking, no matter the volume of the dialogue.
8. Silence means real trouble, especially from women. If they have nothing to say...it's like the end of the world. Someone has messed up bad and they better fix it and look very repentant. Verbal apologies mean nothing in Italy. You better show you are sorry and earn back some credibility.
9. You can have an entire conversation with hand signals and facial expressions, changing the conversation while you do from: "Are you ok? Are you hungry? Pasta? Short pasta? At 1:30? Ok. The lady infront of you in line is taking too long, crazy and busting everyones balls." Then go strait faced from one second to the other.
10. Expressions in English start to seem bland and you find yourself choosing to use more and more translations for your Italian word into English. And Italian judgements from good to terrible are just so much more colorful, various, raw and captivating. You prefer to talk about your bad day in Italian and your good day in English. Your talk about your good food in Italian and anything needing organization in English. You realize Italy is complicated: Excel spreadsheets, Google maps, and online forms just ruined the work of 1 million Italian secretaries who were previously out to make peoples day terribly complicated, just for fun, before their 30 minute smoke break.
11. A 6th century castle remodled in the 15th century seems to have been renovated recently. And World War 2 seems to have happened last month. You can still see the damages still in some places, long agonizing lists of the dead in little tiny towns where it seems almost everyone died, and people still side with Mussolini.
12. You start to look forward to being a retired grandparent even if you have not yet had your own children. Grandchildren are just so much cuter, less of a responsibility, and you can have a little dog with a little sweater, get a monthly pension and cut in line at almost any store using your bad hip as an excuse then ride your bike home.
13. You can differentiate an American from an Italian from a mile away, debate helping them, then decide to let them have an Italian experience and get lost. They will boast about "Getting lost on the little streets of Italy and meeting an adorable old man (who overcharged them)" later on Facebook.
14. You know a good cheese and uphold it like a dear friend in your soul. You are willing to wait till market day to walk 30 mintues in the cold to the cheese man who brings in the good stuff from Puglia. Your husband looks at you like you just turned into a pillar of gold when he tastes the cheese you bought with knowledge.
15. You start thinking of Italy in regions, not as a country. Each region has its own dialect, diverse history, customs and food that go back centuries and you better not confuse a Roman with a Brescian, or a Brescian with a Sicilian (one was Austrian the other Muslim years and years back). Everyone is deeply proud of the place where they were born. You find a place of Italy you relate to hang onto it deep in your soul.
16. You start to believe that pasta can fix everything. Tummy ache? Rigatone, a bit more than al dente with olive oil and salt. Feeling weak? Spaghetti with cream and muscles will fix you. On a diet? Get skinny with some ricotta over a bowl of Penne. Heartbreak? Pasta with tomato and sausages will boost your mood. Frustrated with work? Pasta with clams and a white wine sauce. Do you have the flu, a cold, or nausea? Broth with tiny pasta will settle you down. Ah....the miracle of pasta.
17. You know the main piazza (plaza) was where couples met, gossip was spread, meetings were held, and people were publicly ashamed if they were poor, underdressed, or had anything worth gossiping about. You know things haven't changed and that there are Grannies On Guard watching the town people and passing the reports to the next ones on rotation (unless it is raining) so you take the long detour to get where you need to go and avoid being seen and discussed.
And that is about it. 17 is an uneven number, it is unerving to end on it, but that type of thing would be typical in Italy like TV shows that start at 8:43 and end at 9:03. I hope you enjoyed it!
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