Do Cat's Grieve: What about Bentley?
"What about Bentley?" many people have asked since Fatty left us (died).
You see, sweet Bentley and darling Fatty were twins. They were born the same day in March 2001, they romped around the forest in Anne Arundel County, and were captured and caged in the same SPCA together when I skipped along one afternoon, thought it would be a swell idea to have twin kittens, and scooped them up. Bentley ate with Fatty, Bentley purred with Fatty, Bentley pulled the food away from Fatty who pulled it right back. They napped together, traveled together, rolled like roasting sausages together.
Out of my two cats, Bentley has always been the more social and sensitive cat. He knows when you are sick or sad and tries to comfort you. He isn't picky about cuddle positions as he is just plain happy to be cuddled. So when Fatty died, it was no shock to see Bentley's reaction. I immediately picked him up and carried him to look at his dead brother, which I read in some pet book stating it would be a good idea. It was a horrible idea. Bentley kicked and squirmed and wanted to be as far as possible from Fatty. He went dashing away knowing that something smelly and dead was something wrong. It was as if he couldn't recognize his brother. As we buried Fatty, Bentley watched from the window unsure of what was happening and why we were all outside and how come Fatty wasn't coming back.
The day progressed and I crashed emotionally. That wall of emotions flooded me. I spent the next three days in my cry corner with Bentley. He patted my face with his paws. He didn't want to eat. He didn't want to get out of bed, and I started to think that he was dying too. I checked on him and would watch him breathe, terrified that he was dead when I didn't see his fluffy belly rise.
The days have passed. Weeks have passed. And Bentley is better, but still misses Fatty dearly. He looks for him at feeding time, expecting a fat snorting Fatty to come flying around the corner and take his food away. Bentley comes prancing to me and looks up to see if Fatty is with me, and he isn't. Bentley is also scared when we put him in the big dark basement at night and he is all alone. One thing that I have done, after reading "Will I see you in Heaven?" by Father Jack Wintz, has been saying prayers at night with Bentley before leaving him. I kneel next to his bed and say an Our Father and a Hail Mary and ask them to protect my cat. Bentley listens and purrs quietly. Hey, the God that created me also created Bentley! And Mother Mary is queen of the universe and that includes old geriatric cats like Bentley! Mother Mary, no doubt, had her mantle on Fatty when he died and helped him die in his sleep.
One thing is for sure, our loosing darling Fatty has given us a higher appreciation for Bentley. We have compensated our sadness of not having the Fat One around by spoiling Bentley ten times more. He has gotten more cuddles, more petting, more snacks and more time with us. While we have been able to express our sadness and cope by writing, crying or talking about Fatty, Bentley hasn't. He has been stuck with Fatty's things, his smell and not being able to leave the home where they grew old.
In conclusion, I think that pets really do grieve the death or loss of a person or fellow pet that they had a strong attachment to. I think the best way to help pet's grieving is to spend time with them, cuddle them and speak about the pet or person that died. They know what you are talking about! I tell Bentley every day about Fatty and how our dear Pork Chop would be jealous of how spoiled he is getting. Bentley knows when we are both petting him on the couch that it is prime cat real-estate and that if Fatty were to see this he would be seriously outraged.
Lastly, when in doubt and dealing with the awful death of a pet, I highly recommend reaching out to a pet loss therapist! As a side note: your immune system will crash and you will get sick....example below.
My mind was spinning the day Fatty died and I dialed a hotline for owners who just lost pets and I talked for free to a wonderful woman who was also a vet tech and was able to understand medically speaking what bothered me. I then followed up with a pet loss therapist, Jessica, from Pet Loss DC who was wonderful and listened to me bawl my heart out on New Year's Eve. She said it was normal and really helped me pave the way to feeling awful in order to feel better. People often downplay the death of a pet and the symptoms of grief from the loss of a beloved pet. However, loosing a pet companion has similar symptoms of grief as loosing a beloved friend. The pet loss therapist was able to coach me in how to care for Bentley, and it was an amazing experience. Her link is below:
https://petlossdc.com/
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| Sad Bentley... |
You see, sweet Bentley and darling Fatty were twins. They were born the same day in March 2001, they romped around the forest in Anne Arundel County, and were captured and caged in the same SPCA together when I skipped along one afternoon, thought it would be a swell idea to have twin kittens, and scooped them up. Bentley ate with Fatty, Bentley purred with Fatty, Bentley pulled the food away from Fatty who pulled it right back. They napped together, traveled together, rolled like roasting sausages together.
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| Tweedle dee and Tweedle dum |
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| Smack! Smack! Smack! |
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| Playing dress up in my wedding dress with my cats = bliss |
Out of my two cats, Bentley has always been the more social and sensitive cat. He knows when you are sick or sad and tries to comfort you. He isn't picky about cuddle positions as he is just plain happy to be cuddled. So when Fatty died, it was no shock to see Bentley's reaction. I immediately picked him up and carried him to look at his dead brother, which I read in some pet book stating it would be a good idea. It was a horrible idea. Bentley kicked and squirmed and wanted to be as far as possible from Fatty. He went dashing away knowing that something smelly and dead was something wrong. It was as if he couldn't recognize his brother. As we buried Fatty, Bentley watched from the window unsure of what was happening and why we were all outside and how come Fatty wasn't coming back.
 |
| I carry Bentley to Fatty's grave and each time he looks far up this tree when we pass it. |
The day progressed and I crashed emotionally. That wall of emotions flooded me. I spent the next three days in my cry corner with Bentley. He patted my face with his paws. He didn't want to eat. He didn't want to get out of bed, and I started to think that he was dying too. I checked on him and would watch him breathe, terrified that he was dead when I didn't see his fluffy belly rise.
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| Monday, December 30, 2019: A sad sad day for us... |
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| He patted my face when I cried... |
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| Bentley looked a little disheveled after Fatty died... |
The days have passed. Weeks have passed. And Bentley is better, but still misses Fatty dearly. He looks for him at feeding time, expecting a fat snorting Fatty to come flying around the corner and take his food away. Bentley comes prancing to me and looks up to see if Fatty is with me, and he isn't. Bentley is also scared when we put him in the big dark basement at night and he is all alone. One thing that I have done, after reading "Will I see you in Heaven?" by Father Jack Wintz, has been saying prayers at night with Bentley before leaving him. I kneel next to his bed and say an Our Father and a Hail Mary and ask them to protect my cat. Bentley listens and purrs quietly. Hey, the God that created me also created Bentley! And Mother Mary is queen of the universe and that includes old geriatric cats like Bentley! Mother Mary, no doubt, had her mantle on Fatty when he died and helped him die in his sleep.
 |
| Praying helps everything, even your cats. |
One thing is for sure, our loosing darling Fatty has given us a higher appreciation for Bentley. We have compensated our sadness of not having the Fat One around by spoiling Bentley ten times more. He has gotten more cuddles, more petting, more snacks and more time with us. While we have been able to express our sadness and cope by writing, crying or talking about Fatty, Bentley hasn't. He has been stuck with Fatty's things, his smell and not being able to leave the home where they grew old.
In conclusion, I think that pets really do grieve the death or loss of a person or fellow pet that they had a strong attachment to. I think the best way to help pet's grieving is to spend time with them, cuddle them and speak about the pet or person that died. They know what you are talking about! I tell Bentley every day about Fatty and how our dear Pork Chop would be jealous of how spoiled he is getting. Bentley knows when we are both petting him on the couch that it is prime cat real-estate and that if Fatty were to see this he would be seriously outraged.
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| Extra cuddles for the Bentley |
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| He gets oodles of cuddles anytime he wants now. |
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| Getting spoiled rotten now. |
Lastly, when in doubt and dealing with the awful death of a pet, I highly recommend reaching out to a pet loss therapist! As a side note: your immune system will crash and you will get sick....example below.
 |
| 101 Fever... yippie. |
My mind was spinning the day Fatty died and I dialed a hotline for owners who just lost pets and I talked for free to a wonderful woman who was also a vet tech and was able to understand medically speaking what bothered me. I then followed up with a pet loss therapist, Jessica, from Pet Loss DC who was wonderful and listened to me bawl my heart out on New Year's Eve. She said it was normal and really helped me pave the way to feeling awful in order to feel better. People often downplay the death of a pet and the symptoms of grief from the loss of a beloved pet. However, loosing a pet companion has similar symptoms of grief as loosing a beloved friend. The pet loss therapist was able to coach me in how to care for Bentley, and it was an amazing experience. Her link is below:
https://petlossdc.com/
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