Book review 2: "A Grief Observed" by C.S. Lewis

I read a few quotes and little books on grief, but this one by C.S. Lewis is perhaps the most comforting. I am so glad this wasn't a "victory book" on grief and how to get over it quickly with a pep in your step. In spending time reading this book I felt the company of another person who was going through grief, and in that sense I felt I was in good company. "A Grief Observed" was written in a series of notebooks after Lewis experienced the death of his wife. It was published under a pseudonym initially because the material in it was so raw that C.S. Lewis didn't want his name on it.

 This book asked so many questions I had and expressed feelings on death and life and living on while missing the one who died. The first part of the book seemed a bit dark to me, and they were understandably the moments after Lewis just lost his wife. He writes in a way that is clear and comfortable with the horrible emotions of grief, and he doesn't shy away from them but dives into the emotions fully exploring them like one would dive into a cave knowing it is dark. He explores this dark and strange world of grief in a way that makes you feel that you have a companion to walk with you and put a voice to your grief.

The beauty of this book is that it brings value to grief through the redemptive power of life over death. Lewis, was also a Christian, so I was very curious to see how he would approach faith in terms of grief. He struggles at the beginning feeling lonely and like God wasn't near him. But towards the end of the book explores how loving the one he lost so fully is only possible when loving the Creator of the one he lost. He reaches our need for Jesus and the divine love in order to accept life and living with death. This book filled in a lot of painful holes I had as I read it and re-read some of the pages to stay with the words for a while and let them sink in. I found it incredibly comforting like chocolate cake for my soul and was so thankful that he was willing and vulnerable enough to publish his personal journals on the subject of his own grief. It took away the "stages" of grief that I heard and read about and made grief much more tactile and acceptable. It is almost as if grief were a dirty subject, and in fact it is hard to talk about death and how it affects us, but necessary to live when we would otherwise let it sit inside of ourselves feeling more isolated and misunderstood. I would recommend this book to anyone processing grief.

Here are a few of my favorite quotes:

1. "And grief still feels like fear. Perhaps, more strictly, like suspense. Or like waiting; just hanging about waiting for something to happen. It gives life a permanently provisional feeling. It doesn't seem worth starting anything. I can't settle down. I yawn, fidget, I smoke to much. Up till this I always had too little time. Now there is nothing but time. Almost pure time, empty successiveness."

2. "Does grief finally subside into boredom tinged by faint nausea?"

3. "Nothing will shake a man, out of his merely verbal thinking and his merely notional beliefs. He has to be knocked silly before he comes to his senses. Only torture will bring out the truth. Only under torture does he discover himself."

4. "Thought is never static, pain often is."

5. "An odd by product of my loss is that that I'm aware of being an embarrassment to everyone I meet. At work, at the club, in the street, I see people, as they approach me, trying to make  up their minds whether they'll 'say something about it' or not. I hate it if they do, and if they don't"

6. "You can't see anything properly while your eyes are blurred with tears."

7. "I need Christ, not something that resemble Him."