Coming Home and Tips on "raising" the Elderly
Leaving my grandma's house felt really physically bad this time for me.
My little mom knew I would feel horrible (even though I pretended that I felt totally aloof and fine) so she made me a list of what to eat and what to do as I got back. By the way, I love how she always has a little notepad to write in her purse. She is notorious for stopping in the middle of the street to write down a thought or a quote. This notepad isn't for "to-do" lists, no it is for whatever silly, serious or inspirational thing grips her at the moment.
I felt so useful there and even when I was tired from working in the house all day I was still the youngest one capable of running one more errand for the day. The sensation of being needed, useful and appreciated is highly satisfying. Also the sensation of having a normal blood pressure is highly satisfying. I loved feeling energy and feeling warm in my fingers and toes. Coming home I felt sad and guilty knowing that at 9 PM when my plane landed it would be granny's dinner hour. At 10 PM my mom would be washing up the kitchen. At 11 PM my "little cousin" would come home and feed the cats.
At 5 AM granny might wake up and need a hand. Oh, today the garbage truck comes, I hope my mom can lift it. And I sat in my office knowing my mom was lifting two heavy trashcans and wishing I could lift them for her instead of checking useless committee emails. I went home to serve myself dinner...one plate, one fork, one cup. It was so depressing. I knew that there was the special cup for granny, the favorite cup of my mom's and a ton of cups from my uncles and aunts at the house. My one cup looked like an orphan. I would have willingly gone back to wash them all and look at the faces that have some resemblance to mine.
If anything, being with my granny taught me this time how hard it is to take care of senior citizens! It is like raising a child. In the best of circumstances, like with our mentally-grounded granny, you need to keep your granny or grandpa occupied and also feeling needed and useful. Our dear little granny has a mirade of family members that come and go each day and keep her up to date on all of the most recent family gossip. It is incredibly important for the elderly of our families to feel involved and loved and important. I know that in the US most of the elderly go to assisted living homes, but even then they need to feel loved by the people around them.
I wasn't with granny long, but here is a list of things I came up with that I noticed were important for her everyday comfort and I imagine could be the same for other elderly:
1. Have a good breakfast: cup of fruit, decaf coffee and a taco or 1/2 sandwhich. Fruit is so important because it keeps their intestines working properly.
2. Put on clean clothes each day and sit in a sunny room. Clean clothes keep them feeling great. Ask what they want to wear that day. The options keep them enjoying life.
3. They must get sun. Sunny room must have: phone, phone book, medicines, the Bible, crossword puzzles, large pictures on the wall of Jesus or Mary (to talk to when they are alone), a few sitting chairs for guests, heating pad for aches and pains, and lots of little pillows to adjust as needed behind the head, neck, and torso.
4. Grannys need to stay busy. My granny stays busy talking to people on the phone, chopping veggies for the soup of the day, washing her own clothes in a little bin, knitting, and sorting beans. She daily says that she isn't good for anything but needs to be reminded that she is good for something. So even if there is a small task that you can do, ask granny to do it. Her hands and spirit need to stay connected to life.
5. Confide in Granny. Tell them something wild that will keep them laughing or thinking well after you leave. Make sure it is positive so they don't get worried or sad. My granny loves hearing any gossip on young couples, animal stories (the time a bear walked up to my car), and times I cried my way out of things. She loves any story of people who are ridiculous.
6. Treat grannys and grandpas with discretion and respect. As they need more help doing things they often feel embarrassed because they were always the strong one. Tell them it is ok, and remind them of the times they took care of you when you were little. If they feel embarrassed, tell them you are not looking and just help. And buy them the medical things that will make life easier, even if they don't want it. In the end, they will appreciate the help. Oo. get a baby monitor. I got this one for my granny and it really helped us talk to her from different parts of the house.
7. Get them an occasional junk food treat. They will adore you for this. My granny loves melted cheese gorditas and almost anything with sugar. I know she shouldn't eat it. But ever so rarely she needs a little of that good stuff on her plate.
8. Put plants in their room. My granny's chair in the sun room faces an old tree. She loves looking out of the window day after day at that tree and talking to it, "My you are getting old like me!" And she will tell me about that tree and how it is changing.
9. Bring a calm pet around. My granny loves Bellina, a little cocker spaniel who belongs to my aunt. Although granny didn't grow up with pets she absolutely loves the joy and pure love that Bellina showers on her. This puppy is like a therapy dog who instantly brightens my granny's day.
10. Take them out for a ride, for fresh air. My granny has little to no options to leave the house (or even the 2nd floor). For her, leaving the second floor demands a team effort of the men of the family (preferably King Kong, my giant younger cousin). And convincing her to go down is also a team effort "It is good for you! Look at the beautiful day! King Kong is here and he is HUGE so don't be scared to go down." We put perfume on her, also her good sweater and she feels pretty and ready to face the challenge. Once she is downstairs it is as if she is suddenly younger. She wants to see her kitchen, she wants to see her garden, she wants to see the park!
11. Ask them what they think about things. My granny loves to give advice to the people she loves. Her advice to me this time was pretty simple: pray outloud to the Holy Spirit all day to be with you, talk to Jesus in everything you do and thank Him for simple things (thank you for these good tomatoes), listen to your body (it will talk to you in quiet ways, especially before you go to bed and before you get up), be good to your husband, put water in your mouth when you want to fight and swish it around till you calm down, don't get fat, and when you want to cry just wait till you are alone then scream as if you were dying. This scream-death-crying is supposed to be good for your stomach and keep you from repressing things till it affects your health.
I have yet to wail as if I were dying. My emotions are half British-American which represses any type of strong negative emotions till they just overflow on their own. But I will try to scream-cry one day and see if it helps. I started praying more to the Holy Spirit to be with me and guide me. I have been trying to listen to my body but my intuition isn't as sharp as granny's. My mind interprets "I am sleepy" as "Go eat chocolate." So I need to work on that one.
Anyway, coming home was really hard. A piece of me felt there with granny and with my little mom. Luckily, I had the two fur-balls at home to cuddle up to and keep me company. But New Jersey isn't my home, I don't feel belonging here, or belonging to my little townhouse. I hope to one day create a home or haven that really feels like home.
Last words: if you have a granny, grandpa or elderly relative call them today. They will love the surprise. Talk to them about anything: what they ate today, what you ate, what they are up to, etc. Little conversations mean so much to them.
My little mom knew I would feel horrible (even though I pretended that I felt totally aloof and fine) so she made me a list of what to eat and what to do as I got back. By the way, I love how she always has a little notepad to write in her purse. She is notorious for stopping in the middle of the street to write down a thought or a quote. This notepad isn't for "to-do" lists, no it is for whatever silly, serious or inspirational thing grips her at the moment.
 |
| 1. Cook something yummy and share it. 2. Get someone to go window shopping 3. Go to the good consignment store 4. Call me each day |
I felt so useful there and even when I was tired from working in the house all day I was still the youngest one capable of running one more errand for the day. The sensation of being needed, useful and appreciated is highly satisfying. Also the sensation of having a normal blood pressure is highly satisfying. I loved feeling energy and feeling warm in my fingers and toes. Coming home I felt sad and guilty knowing that at 9 PM when my plane landed it would be granny's dinner hour. At 10 PM my mom would be washing up the kitchen. At 11 PM my "little cousin" would come home and feed the cats.
 |
| Bonita waiting for her meal. |
At 5 AM granny might wake up and need a hand. Oh, today the garbage truck comes, I hope my mom can lift it. And I sat in my office knowing my mom was lifting two heavy trashcans and wishing I could lift them for her instead of checking useless committee emails. I went home to serve myself dinner...one plate, one fork, one cup. It was so depressing. I knew that there was the special cup for granny, the favorite cup of my mom's and a ton of cups from my uncles and aunts at the house. My one cup looked like an orphan. I would have willingly gone back to wash them all and look at the faces that have some resemblance to mine.
If anything, being with my granny taught me this time how hard it is to take care of senior citizens! It is like raising a child. In the best of circumstances, like with our mentally-grounded granny, you need to keep your granny or grandpa occupied and also feeling needed and useful. Our dear little granny has a mirade of family members that come and go each day and keep her up to date on all of the most recent family gossip. It is incredibly important for the elderly of our families to feel involved and loved and important. I know that in the US most of the elderly go to assisted living homes, but even then they need to feel loved by the people around them.
I wasn't with granny long, but here is a list of things I came up with that I noticed were important for her everyday comfort and I imagine could be the same for other elderly:
1. Have a good breakfast: cup of fruit, decaf coffee and a taco or 1/2 sandwhich. Fruit is so important because it keeps their intestines working properly.
2. Put on clean clothes each day and sit in a sunny room. Clean clothes keep them feeling great. Ask what they want to wear that day. The options keep them enjoying life.
3. They must get sun. Sunny room must have: phone, phone book, medicines, the Bible, crossword puzzles, large pictures on the wall of Jesus or Mary (to talk to when they are alone), a few sitting chairs for guests, heating pad for aches and pains, and lots of little pillows to adjust as needed behind the head, neck, and torso.
 |
| She really enjoys the word puzzles in the hours she is alone. |
4. Grannys need to stay busy. My granny stays busy talking to people on the phone, chopping veggies for the soup of the day, washing her own clothes in a little bin, knitting, and sorting beans. She daily says that she isn't good for anything but needs to be reminded that she is good for something. So even if there is a small task that you can do, ask granny to do it. Her hands and spirit need to stay connected to life.
 |
| Getting the medicine ready for my mom. |
5. Confide in Granny. Tell them something wild that will keep them laughing or thinking well after you leave. Make sure it is positive so they don't get worried or sad. My granny loves hearing any gossip on young couples, animal stories (the time a bear walked up to my car), and times I cried my way out of things. She loves any story of people who are ridiculous.
6. Treat grannys and grandpas with discretion and respect. As they need more help doing things they often feel embarrassed because they were always the strong one. Tell them it is ok, and remind them of the times they took care of you when you were little. If they feel embarrassed, tell them you are not looking and just help. And buy them the medical things that will make life easier, even if they don't want it. In the end, they will appreciate the help. Oo. get a baby monitor. I got this one for my granny and it really helped us talk to her from different parts of the house.
7. Get them an occasional junk food treat. They will adore you for this. My granny loves melted cheese gorditas and almost anything with sugar. I know she shouldn't eat it. But ever so rarely she needs a little of that good stuff on her plate.
8. Put plants in their room. My granny's chair in the sun room faces an old tree. She loves looking out of the window day after day at that tree and talking to it, "My you are getting old like me!" And she will tell me about that tree and how it is changing.
9. Bring a calm pet around. My granny loves Bellina, a little cocker spaniel who belongs to my aunt. Although granny didn't grow up with pets she absolutely loves the joy and pure love that Bellina showers on her. This puppy is like a therapy dog who instantly brightens my granny's day.
10. Take them out for a ride, for fresh air. My granny has little to no options to leave the house (or even the 2nd floor). For her, leaving the second floor demands a team effort of the men of the family (preferably King Kong, my giant younger cousin). And convincing her to go down is also a team effort "It is good for you! Look at the beautiful day! King Kong is here and he is HUGE so don't be scared to go down." We put perfume on her, also her good sweater and she feels pretty and ready to face the challenge. Once she is downstairs it is as if she is suddenly younger. She wants to see her kitchen, she wants to see her garden, she wants to see the park!
11. Ask them what they think about things. My granny loves to give advice to the people she loves. Her advice to me this time was pretty simple: pray outloud to the Holy Spirit all day to be with you, talk to Jesus in everything you do and thank Him for simple things (thank you for these good tomatoes), listen to your body (it will talk to you in quiet ways, especially before you go to bed and before you get up), be good to your husband, put water in your mouth when you want to fight and swish it around till you calm down, don't get fat, and when you want to cry just wait till you are alone then scream as if you were dying. This scream-death-crying is supposed to be good for your stomach and keep you from repressing things till it affects your health.
I have yet to wail as if I were dying. My emotions are half British-American which represses any type of strong negative emotions till they just overflow on their own. But I will try to scream-cry one day and see if it helps. I started praying more to the Holy Spirit to be with me and guide me. I have been trying to listen to my body but my intuition isn't as sharp as granny's. My mind interprets "I am sleepy" as "Go eat chocolate." So I need to work on that one.
Anyway, coming home was really hard. A piece of me felt there with granny and with my little mom. Luckily, I had the two fur-balls at home to cuddle up to and keep me company. But New Jersey isn't my home, I don't feel belonging here, or belonging to my little townhouse. I hope to one day create a home or haven that really feels like home.
Last words: if you have a granny, grandpa or elderly relative call them today. They will love the surprise. Talk to them about anything: what they ate today, what you ate, what they are up to, etc. Little conversations mean so much to them.
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