Gladiators Fighting Presidents
The author of this blog was too tired to take pictures since she was involved in the following events. Pardon, but Google images will have to do. Thank you.
Catlax can only help so much when the weather gets hot and cats start having hairball problems. |
| In case you are curious how it works. Which, of course you aren't. Sorry, mama. Oh, and happy mothers day! :) By the way, what is the cecum and pylorus? Fascinating...These are mysteries I will have to discover another time. |
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| El Gordo, really. |
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| Yes. Help! |
We called the experts of felines in Rome, Emperor Steakolius who is a guru on cats and had a very interesting morning as a result.
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| Emperor Steakolius |
This fine May morning we woke up to the sound of knocking on our door. Two gladiators stood there, one Napolitan and one American, but gladiators nonetheless.
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| Winner of 14 cat shaving competitions |
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| "I CAN SHAVE ANY LION!!!!!!" |
They had heard that there were two lions which had unbeatable fluffy fur and which no other gladiator in the history of humanity had been able to beat. Two lions roared behind us (it was more like a hungry meow). The gladiators stated they were sent from Emperor Steakolius of Rome and if they beat the lions the Roman Emperor would reward them with steak and burgers. So, naturally, we let them in.
The lions paced in the Roman Colosseum (humid basement) while the gladiators put on their best fighting gear: thick sweatpants, protective gloves, and a face mask to avoid inhaling pounds of fur. (Wait: one prudent gladiator wore gloves and a face mask, the other gladiator didn't was nagged by his wife to put it on and ignored the smart
They caught him and he wiggled, he scrambled, he scratched he HOWWWWWWWWWLED like if he were being killed then swatted at the face of a gladiator. But missed! She would have been upset if he had ruined her perfect pelle del viso.
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| Un gato mai rovinera la mia pelle del viso. |
The fat lion ran between her legs causing her to contort backwards like a skilled yogi.
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| "I will reach you, Fatty, and shave off your winter fur!" |
She caught the lion and dragged him back to the arena where the crowd cheered. She lifted his body as the second gladiator shaved off a mountain of belly fur, enough to make minks for all of Russia. The lion grew weary then discovered he could kick with his hind paws and set to kicking like a jack-rabbit running from a cheetah. It worked. His back claws nicked the gladiators and they retreated in fear as the lion escaped. Defeated, bleeding (a drop) and exhausted they decided to sweep up the mountain of fur and finish the job with a quick bath. This fat lion won the match against both allergic and slightly overweight gladiators. He was set free from captivity.
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| "Hahaha, I beat you!" |
A second lion was perched on the window waiting his turn. He was a much easier lion to manage. His ardent love for one of the gladiators (the Chef) kept all 4 paws down for the most part. He took his shaving like a champ though he produced a good bag full of hair. He wiggled a good deal though and had the smaller gladiator chasing him, squatting up and down like a Russian dancer to catch him and ended up giving her a very good work out.
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| catch me if you can |
This lion recommends that she do this cat-shaving-chasing work out once a day to get in top shape for the summer. However, she loves feta cheese and Ritz crackers so top shape might still end up being love-handle shape.
Anyway, both gladiators were totally exhausted after the fight. Emperor Steakolius of Rome was satisfied with their job and sent them to have steak and hamburgers as a reward. They ate quietly feeling every bone and muscle hurt as they ate. The waitress looked perplexed wondering how two gladiators made it to Morris Plains, NJ. In NJ, anything is possible. At least that is what the signs for Atlantic City say.
Back at the house, there are no longer two lions, nor two cats. There are two felines that represent presidents of the United States. Their new names are Grover Cleveland and Chester Arthur.
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The gladiators are now recovering from their match and hope that Grover Cleveland and Chester Arthur's new haircut will last through the summer.
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