Horsing Around
Saturday the sun shone bright and crisp. The fall leaves were at their pinnacle of joyful brightness and the world as New Jersey saw it was absolutely gorgeous. It seemed like the ideal sunny Saturday to go in the country.
As luck would seem to have it, New Jersey is full of horses (it is the most horse inhabited state, apparently).
As further luck would have it, there is a knight in shining armor whom I have the pleasure of living with. He has fought dragons, won epic battles and built castles for me, his queen. These days he prefers to disguise himself as a chef ( realistically a neurologist but that is hardly a romantic profession. Brains are gooey and gross). So we will stick to the Knight....he is indeed in need of a Knightly name. We will call him the Knight of the Round Pizza Cutter. It suits him well and would be his secret weapon of choice.
My Knight and I drove in the chilly sunny Saturday air to the stable where our horses were waiting for us.
We arrived excited to the stables.
He thought of how much fun it would be to gallop with his horse, and I thought of how scary it would be. He imagined flying down a steep embankment to scare away his foes, and I thought of flying off of a cliff and getting tangled in the horses reigns. He loves horses, I love cats. Plain and simple. While our horses were being prepared for the ride I went off to use the little horses ladies room and a mouse, yes a mouse ran across my feet and slid its fat little hide into a sliver of a hole in the corner of the wall and disappeared. I screamed and tried to escape from the bathroom but it was locked. In a panic I pulled and shoved at the door screaming until I saw it was locked, then unlocked it and dashed out of the bathroom huffing and puffing. The rest of the riding crew expressed zero emotion at the sound of a mouse in the stable bathroom. This just goes to prove that Queens like me don't need to ride horses, they just need amazing coaches and well-dressed drivers.
I climbed on my horse, Lady, who was this beautiful rich chestnut stallion with an attitude. She felt my tension over the mouse and turned her long neck around to get a good look at me.
I couldn't feel her out because I was so nervous over the stupid mouse. And it is really important to have sort of an idea of the character of your animal before you lumber on top of it and try to ride it in the woods. Heck, it took me at least five years to get to know the personalities of Fatty and Bentley, and on some days I still don't trust them. How was I supposed to know the personality of a 400 pound horse I just sat on?
The ride started beautifully, there was the first layer of gentle soft wispy snow on the ground and the air was freezing cold but the horse under me was nice and toasty.
We rode over a pasture, which was gorgeous but then came to a steep embankment and the wind started to blow rough and hard. Lady shook her head with the wind, it bothered her ears. She picked up her front hoof to swat at her head. I got scared. She stopped walking. The group rode on (except for the Knight's horse who was fat and slow). I said, "Come on, Lady, get going" and she complained about her ear. I thought she might have ear mites. The wind blew my hands red and raw. I pulled on her reigns and tried kicking her gently to get her going. After what seemed like an eternity she reluctanly started to walk down the hill with a cliff hanging on the right side. I was tense but thought "Let's just get through this, sweet horse and we can both go inside and stay warm."
The ride went better then at the end as we started getting near the stable she saw two horses in the pasture galloping and jumping. Then before I knew what was happening, Lady jumped up on her hind legs and had me holding on for dear life like a cowboy. My back snapped back and I thought "Go home, NOW." I gave her a good kick (feeling horribly abusive) and got her back on the ground on all 4 hooves and trotting back to the stable. I quickly jumped off of her and ran as far as I could from the other horses to the side of the barn where all the barn cats were snoozing.
Yeah, horses are a bit too big for me. I think I need to know animals a bit more before attempting to boss or ride them. I can't even boss my cats around, how am I going to tell a huge beast to turn left, right and stop?
Anyway, the Knight had a great ride and we ended the day by eating a feast of sausage with broccoli rabe and custard pie for dessert. All in all it was a beautiful (but scary and cold) day.
As luck would seem to have it, New Jersey is full of horses (it is the most horse inhabited state, apparently).
As further luck would have it, there is a knight in shining armor whom I have the pleasure of living with. He has fought dragons, won epic battles and built castles for me, his queen. These days he prefers to disguise himself as a chef ( realistically a neurologist but that is hardly a romantic profession. Brains are gooey and gross). So we will stick to the Knight....he is indeed in need of a Knightly name. We will call him the Knight of the Round Pizza Cutter. It suits him well and would be his secret weapon of choice.
My Knight and I drove in the chilly sunny Saturday air to the stable where our horses were waiting for us.
 |
| Ready to beat the cold |
He thought of how much fun it would be to gallop with his horse, and I thought of how scary it would be. He imagined flying down a steep embankment to scare away his foes, and I thought of flying off of a cliff and getting tangled in the horses reigns. He loves horses, I love cats. Plain and simple. While our horses were being prepared for the ride I went off to use the little horses ladies room and a mouse, yes a mouse ran across my feet and slid its fat little hide into a sliver of a hole in the corner of the wall and disappeared. I screamed and tried to escape from the bathroom but it was locked. In a panic I pulled and shoved at the door screaming until I saw it was locked, then unlocked it and dashed out of the bathroom huffing and puffing. The rest of the riding crew expressed zero emotion at the sound of a mouse in the stable bathroom. This just goes to prove that Queens like me don't need to ride horses, they just need amazing coaches and well-dressed drivers.
I climbed on my horse, Lady, who was this beautiful rich chestnut stallion with an attitude. She felt my tension over the mouse and turned her long neck around to get a good look at me.
I couldn't feel her out because I was so nervous over the stupid mouse. And it is really important to have sort of an idea of the character of your animal before you lumber on top of it and try to ride it in the woods. Heck, it took me at least five years to get to know the personalities of Fatty and Bentley, and on some days I still don't trust them. How was I supposed to know the personality of a 400 pound horse I just sat on?
The ride started beautifully, there was the first layer of gentle soft wispy snow on the ground and the air was freezing cold but the horse under me was nice and toasty.
We rode over a pasture, which was gorgeous but then came to a steep embankment and the wind started to blow rough and hard. Lady shook her head with the wind, it bothered her ears. She picked up her front hoof to swat at her head. I got scared. She stopped walking. The group rode on (except for the Knight's horse who was fat and slow). I said, "Come on, Lady, get going" and she complained about her ear. I thought she might have ear mites. The wind blew my hands red and raw. I pulled on her reigns and tried kicking her gently to get her going. After what seemed like an eternity she reluctanly started to walk down the hill with a cliff hanging on the right side. I was tense but thought "Let's just get through this, sweet horse and we can both go inside and stay warm."
The ride went better then at the end as we started getting near the stable she saw two horses in the pasture galloping and jumping. Then before I knew what was happening, Lady jumped up on her hind legs and had me holding on for dear life like a cowboy. My back snapped back and I thought "Go home, NOW." I gave her a good kick (feeling horribly abusive) and got her back on the ground on all 4 hooves and trotting back to the stable. I quickly jumped off of her and ran as far as I could from the other horses to the side of the barn where all the barn cats were snoozing.
 |
| sleep walking |
Yeah, horses are a bit too big for me. I think I need to know animals a bit more before attempting to boss or ride them. I can't even boss my cats around, how am I going to tell a huge beast to turn left, right and stop?
 |
| Try bossing Fatty around... |
Anyway, the Knight had a great ride and we ended the day by eating a feast of sausage with broccoli rabe and custard pie for dessert. All in all it was a beautiful (but scary and cold) day.
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