Piñata Day at Home Depot
Birthday parties with piñatas are exhilarating filled with the anticipation of seeing which brute will break the piñata and anxiety for being one of the first to lunge towards all of the raining treats. See, if you are not one of the first you are nothing in piñata world. You will maybe get one candy that has been brutally trampled by dirty children's sneakers. There is always one fat sweet child who is more determined, more anxious, more motivated to lunge himself at the candies raining down from the piñata. Usually, that unfortunate child dives to the ground thinking the piñata has broken only to realize that the piñata swung in another direction, broke 2 feet away and he is now far from reaching any treats.
Every morning Fatty, my cat, is that fat child. He pushes his fat furry head in his bowl chomping at air before his food hits his bowl. I usually have to pull him back and hold him with one hand with all of my strength while my other shakes out some food into his dish. Then I free him and watch him vacuum all of his food.
This morning I (should say we, but I will take one for the team) woke up feeling like that fat kid flying towards the empty promises of the not yet broken piñata. Today was sunny, perfectly sunny, and such a sunny day must mean that something great should be about to happen.
Instead it all went perfectly wrong. Grasping at thin air I failed at everything today by trying to do everything at once and make it perfect. In chronological order it went like this: wore wrong pants and shirt for the heat so changed into my "sound of music" outfit that is very ladylike but not meant for walking great distances or shopping at Home Depot. Decided to clean at last minute before walking to church. Sunny day means cleaning and walks, right? Darted to get back into ladylike outfit and briskly walked in the sun to church only to discover that mass had just ended and everyone was going in peace. Did a U-turn. Walked home. Returned home and twiddled thumbs for 28 seconds debating how to drive the rest of the day. Planned life in 30 minutes then drove to another mass (which was remarkably good. I probably should have stopped at that point) But didn't. 1 PM, sweaty, hungry and determined to make the most of the day drove to Home Depot searching for ways to perfect an imperfect home.
And this is where I had my piñata moment. I never liked Home Depot, in fact, I sort of loathe it. Home Depot goes against all that is elegant, tasteful, chic, natural and well built.
At first I thought I disliked it because it was filled with men who return to a cave man state of mind when shopping. In my opinion, Home Depot is not welcoming for women. Other than the orange aprons, it is a store designed and meant for men. It is the Jo-Ann Fabrics and Crafts for men.
Manly men. You won't find any shades of grey men in Home Depot. The men who shop at Home Depot are the ones who scratch publicly, the ones who enjoy the pain of lifting/pulling/pushing heavy objects, the ones who relish the vocabulary of "fixing things" terms and enjoy standing wide legged, arms crossed over their bright orange "Home Depot" apron explaining the intricate variances of 3/4 inch pipes vs. 5/8 inch pipes...yawn.
But this is not what drives me bonkers at Home Depot. It is it's innately disgraceful promise that you can fix anything implying therefore that what you have is broken and needs to be fixed. Implying that you need a million things to be "happy" is simply vulgar.
But why this? Why are we standing in a circle around the piñata waiting for the promise for it to break to get the goodies?
Why do those treats that we really don't need give us anxiety? Anxiety is so not chic! Do we need those Home Depot (fill in the blank store) treats? Does anyone going to Home Depot really need that glue? The endless isle of drills? Really need? In the end, if we were to go back to our most basic way of life with what we truly need, would it demand that trip to Home Depot (or filler store) on an already perfectly sunny day? I think not. The culture of "need and greed" in America is huge, despite any cries of financial crisis. This reminds me of that part in "What About Bob" where he cries to Dr. Phil...or whatever "Give me, give me, give me. I need, I need I NEED..."
I think Home Depot markets this idea of needing to have things to make the perfect house, summer, bbq, etc. We don't need any of that and very little of any other store.
That said. Sigh. Light reading, I know. That said, my chef dropped me off at home after Home Depot to start cooking (boiling the water for the pasta) while he darted off to Stop and Shop for some orange juice. He is a champ. I felt exhausted from trying to perfect the already perfect sunny day. Sunny, hectic cleaning, hectic hike to church and back, lousy Home Depot.. I felt like the fat kid at the piñata birthday party who dove too soon just to get tired. Then, something great happened, the fat kid at the piñata party got all of the best treats. A 5 star chef rolled into the kitchen, pulled up his sleeves, waved his magic spatula and in 15 minutes (no lie) had this spread on the table.
Sometimes, very rarely there will be a fat little kid in us that tries hard to make everything work and it fails but then once in a blue moon something beautiful and magical happens to make the day better. I remember at a piñata party where my fat cute brother (he was 8 I guess) dove early for the piñata. An avalanche of children flew behind him violently raking up candies. I stood back in horror watching my birthday party. Grandpa had just bought me a pretty birthday dress and I felt gorgeous like Queen Victoria and was not about to get dirty. There I stood clutching my hands wondering if my brother was alive. His little blue sneakers kicked under the legs of the other wild kids. The head of my piñata bear came up from the rubble. A chubby little dimpled hand clutched it. The blue sneakers kicked and fluttered till my chubby brother came out covered in dirt and with the biggest grin on his face clutching the bears head full of candy. "I got the head! I got the head full of candy!" he gasped. I was thrilled. It was so awesome we even took family pictures as if he had won the Superbowl...
Today, seeing my chef come home and seeing the spread he put on the table made me feel like I won the Superbowl. My house isn't perfect, I don't have everything I need or want or desire, but I have prosciutto crudo with cantaloupe in my belly and that about does it for me.
Every morning Fatty, my cat, is that fat child. He pushes his fat furry head in his bowl chomping at air before his food hits his bowl. I usually have to pull him back and hold him with one hand with all of my strength while my other shakes out some food into his dish. Then I free him and watch him vacuum all of his food.
This morning I (should say we, but I will take one for the team) woke up feeling like that fat kid flying towards the empty promises of the not yet broken piñata. Today was sunny, perfectly sunny, and such a sunny day must mean that something great should be about to happen.
 |
| Blue skies shining on me, nothing but blue skies do I see. |
Instead it all went perfectly wrong. Grasping at thin air I failed at everything today by trying to do everything at once and make it perfect. In chronological order it went like this: wore wrong pants and shirt for the heat so changed into my "sound of music" outfit that is very ladylike but not meant for walking great distances or shopping at Home Depot. Decided to clean at last minute before walking to church. Sunny day means cleaning and walks, right? Darted to get back into ladylike outfit and briskly walked in the sun to church only to discover that mass had just ended and everyone was going in peace. Did a U-turn. Walked home. Returned home and twiddled thumbs for 28 seconds debating how to drive the rest of the day. Planned life in 30 minutes then drove to another mass (which was remarkably good. I probably should have stopped at that point) But didn't. 1 PM, sweaty, hungry and determined to make the most of the day drove to Home Depot searching for ways to perfect an imperfect home.
And this is where I had my piñata moment. I never liked Home Depot, in fact, I sort of loathe it. Home Depot goes against all that is elegant, tasteful, chic, natural and well built.
 |
| Buying a flower container here takes all the art and beauty out of it. Anne Shirley would say, "There is no scope for the imagination." I tend to think that each flower container has a personality. |
 |
| Their font is too silly. |
 |
| Dirt, lots of dirt. |
At first I thought I disliked it because it was filled with men who return to a cave man state of mind when shopping. In my opinion, Home Depot is not welcoming for women. Other than the orange aprons, it is a store designed and meant for men. It is the Jo-Ann Fabrics and Crafts for men.
 |
| Men Only. Girls allowed but beware of men driving carts! They go like wild buffalo in Home Depot! |
Manly men. You won't find any shades of grey men in Home Depot. The men who shop at Home Depot are the ones who scratch publicly, the ones who enjoy the pain of lifting/pulling/pushing heavy objects, the ones who relish the vocabulary of "fixing things" terms and enjoy standing wide legged, arms crossed over their bright orange "Home Depot" apron explaining the intricate variances of 3/4 inch pipes vs. 5/8 inch pipes...yawn.
But this is not what drives me bonkers at Home Depot. It is it's innately disgraceful promise that you can fix anything implying therefore that what you have is broken and needs to be fixed. Implying that you need a million things to be "happy" is simply vulgar.
 |
| ??? |
 |
| Not your local deli meat cutter. |
 |
| "Don't spend time beating on a wall hoping to transform it into a door" Coco Chanel |
But why this? Why are we standing in a circle around the piñata waiting for the promise for it to break to get the goodies?
 |
Why do those treats that we really don't need give us anxiety? Anxiety is so not chic! Do we need those Home Depot (fill in the blank store) treats? Does anyone going to Home Depot really need that glue? The endless isle of drills? Really need? In the end, if we were to go back to our most basic way of life with what we truly need, would it demand that trip to Home Depot (or filler store) on an already perfectly sunny day? I think not. The culture of "need and greed" in America is huge, despite any cries of financial crisis. This reminds me of that part in "What About Bob" where he cries to Dr. Phil...or whatever "Give me, give me, give me. I need, I need I NEED..."
I think Home Depot markets this idea of needing to have things to make the perfect house, summer, bbq, etc. We don't need any of that and very little of any other store.
That said. Sigh. Light reading, I know. That said, my chef dropped me off at home after Home Depot to start cooking (boiling the water for the pasta) while he darted off to Stop and Shop for some orange juice. He is a champ. I felt exhausted from trying to perfect the already perfect sunny day. Sunny, hectic cleaning, hectic hike to church and back, lousy Home Depot.. I felt like the fat kid at the piñata birthday party who dove too soon just to get tired. Then, something great happened, the fat kid at the piñata party got all of the best treats. A 5 star chef rolled into the kitchen, pulled up his sleeves, waved his magic spatula and in 15 minutes (no lie) had this spread on the table.
 |
| He was gone for 20 minutes and came back with all of this. Oh to be an Aries! Leo's take much longer... |
 |
| Antipasto |
 |
| Primo |
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| I love the color of the melon and prosciutto crudo. |
 |
| Secondo piatto: linguine con vongole e pomodorini |
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| Ma, show grandma. He really does cook! |
 |
| mangia! |
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| Dessert |
Sometimes, very rarely there will be a fat little kid in us that tries hard to make everything work and it fails but then once in a blue moon something beautiful and magical happens to make the day better. I remember at a piñata party where my fat cute brother (he was 8 I guess) dove early for the piñata. An avalanche of children flew behind him violently raking up candies. I stood back in horror watching my birthday party. Grandpa had just bought me a pretty birthday dress and I felt gorgeous like Queen Victoria and was not about to get dirty. There I stood clutching my hands wondering if my brother was alive. His little blue sneakers kicked under the legs of the other wild kids. The head of my piñata bear came up from the rubble. A chubby little dimpled hand clutched it. The blue sneakers kicked and fluttered till my chubby brother came out covered in dirt and with the biggest grin on his face clutching the bears head full of candy. "I got the head! I got the head full of candy!" he gasped. I was thrilled. It was so awesome we even took family pictures as if he had won the Superbowl...
Today, seeing my chef come home and seeing the spread he put on the table made me feel like I won the Superbowl. My house isn't perfect, I don't have everything I need or want or desire, but I have prosciutto crudo with cantaloupe in my belly and that about does it for me.
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