Interview with Cats
June is officially "Adopt a Cat from a Shelter Month" . The term "adopt" is too humanized for pets. Better words are buy, borrow, steal or rescue a cat month. I would totally steal a cat if it were not getting proper treatment. Wouldn't you? If I met Moses I'm sure he would say it was kosher for me to steal a cat. And I am sure Moses who grew up in Egypt had a deep appreciation for cats, in fact he had one called Ramesses who was his buddy and walked 40 years in the dessert with him right there next to his staff, pouncing on the mana and sleeping in Moses's tent. Anyway. June is the official "Get a Cat" month. The best place to get your cat is from a rescue shelter or SPCA. Look for one that pulls your heartstrings not the practical cat. That happy satisfied feeling you get from eating your favorite ice-cream should be the similar feeling you get when picking out your cat.
What if you have never had a cat and are in between wondering if it would be a smart choice or not? Let me give you a hand. You should get a cat if you:
Like soup, tea, Jane Austen, fancy cheese, take your own bags to the grocery store and enjoy silence. If you fall under one of those categories and have never had a cat, you are overdue for some purr-time. If you don't like cats you are not a trustworthy person and probably don't even deserve to read this cat focused blog.
I happen to be a guest of 2 royal cats. Every now and then they let me sit on their couch. They are regal, fluffy, sweet and funny little things.
The Gattoni Federation recently contacted Fatty and Bentley for interviews. Fatty took longer to get back to them but finally did. The Gattoni Federation sent a feline representative from their NYC office to come interview them. The interview is titled:
What if you have never had a cat and are in between wondering if it would be a smart choice or not? Let me give you a hand. You should get a cat if you:
Like soup, tea, Jane Austen, fancy cheese, take your own bags to the grocery store and enjoy silence. If you fall under one of those categories and have never had a cat, you are overdue for some purr-time. If you don't like cats you are not a trustworthy person and probably don't even deserve to read this cat focused blog.
I happen to be a guest of 2 royal cats. Every now and then they let me sit on their couch. They are regal, fluffy, sweet and funny little things.
The Gattoni Federation recently contacted Fatty and Bentley for interviews. Fatty took longer to get back to them but finally did. The Gattoni Federation sent a feline representative from their NYC office to come interview them. The interview is titled:
Two Fat Cats on Travel, Cleaning and 5 Minute Meals
The room is dark and warm with one beam of sunshine bathing a spot on a clean couch. A ball of fur lays on the top plush pillow rising and setting gently with the sighs of two very fat fluffy cats. They are hour 6 into their afternoon nap, 3 hours late for the interview but don't care. These two cats are rock-stars to other felines, envied for their travels in Italy, feasts on Mediterranean tuna, frolics with Italian felines on dark summer nights in Amlafitan alleys.
They recently both got shaved from head to toe, their long seductive fur was getting too long so the stupid human cut it. But that only makes them more intriguing. They are so fabulous in the cat world that their passport doesn't require a photograph, when it rains it is because Fatty is thinking of something sad, mosquitoes refuse to bite them purely out of respect, they have crossed the point of no return- on several occasions, they speak fluent French in Russian. And now my friends, the kittens have woken up are ready for their interview.
1. Fatty and Bentley, we have heard that you are very brave traveling cats, but is there anything you are afraid of?
Fatty: Totally afraid of an empty food bowl, that is the worst! The vacuum and the humans who walk backwards without looking to see that I am between their feet are other things that terrify me.
Bentley: Nail polish remover. That stuff smells like poison! It reminds me of the time I drank bleach and almost died! I'll seriously scream for hours if I smell nail polish remover.
2. Wow! It sounds like you two have a lot of advice on how to avoid death! Have either of you had near death encounters or traveled to the other side of life?
Fatty: I travel to the light every time my food bowl gets empty. There is just little reason to live any more at that point. Other than that, I gave the human a good scare when her mom left after visiting. GrannyCat with curls was the best, she used to pet me with her bare foot because she doesn't like cats and I looooved the smell of her foot cream. Thinking of living without her really made me mad. I wanted to go snuggle on her bed to see if I could get any last scent of foot cream but the human wouldn't let me. So, I refused to eat or drink water for a few days, had a decent seizure then the human cried, almost lost her job for calling out because of her cat and took me wailing to the vet who told her to put me on GrannyCat's bed. An hour later I was smelling that intoxicating foot cream and being spoon fed tuna fish. That's how I do things.
Bentley: Bleach, toilet cleaner and strings. Don't eat them. It will make you feel like you are hacking a hairball for days. While you feel like you are dying, Fatty will lick your ears so strong your ear canal gets polished. Then the human will corner you, force your mouth open and squirt water, medicine and soft food making a mess on your perfectly coiffed whiskers. Stay away from the smelly cleaning products!
3. Fatty and Bentley, we have heard so much about your travels in Italy from Venice to Florence and Rome. We heard the human trained you to fly and travel. Do you have any favorite traveling moments or tips for other cats?
Fatty and Bentley look at each other....
Fatty: We went to Italy? When did that happen...
Bentley: Nope, don't remember going to Italy. I must have missed it during my naps.
4. Well, it seems like you two certainly like to do a lot of sleeping, as most cats. Where are your favorite places to nap?
Fatty: Under that cool rolling chair in the study. I like seeing the man jump in fright when he thinks he is going to squish me when he stands up. Haha, funny....Oh, warm, freshly ironed clothes are also right up there on the list. Their crispness, warmness and smell of Downy just invite my freshly manicured nails to dig and dig till I make a perfect napping nest on them.
Bentley: the bed, but I have been forbidden from it. I know those humans like their pillows so I have been very diplomatic in taking naps at the foot of the bed, but for some reason I still get chased off. They don't like any of my napping nests. They just don't get that the best napping nests are on top of the fridge, the new couch pillows, the mans clothes, and the desk behind the computer. Watching them type really puts me to sleep. If they go too fast I want to smack their fingers to go slower and they don't seem to like that. Napping with a view is great because you always have something interesting to see to put you to sleep and to wake up to.
5. It seems like those humans really get in the way! What is the best way to deal with them?
Fatty: Guilt administered telepathically. It works to get treats everytime. For example, the human likes to eat Ritz crackers with Nutella after dinner by herself in the kitchen. Sometimes she eats an olive or drinks a cup of milk with it which is totally gross. I just look at her with big accepting eyes that don't judge her and tell her that I am a gross fatty like her too that also wants a snack. I usually get a generous portion of food after that with lots of chin rubs. Ahhh guilt.
Bentley: Cuddle them as much as possible.
When that doesn't work, howl. Howling is my specialty. I'm too honest and impatient to deal with telepathic communication like Fatty. If I want something bad enough it makes me cry till I get it.
6. You two seem to have some great secrets on how to live well. Are there any health tips you have for other cats out there?
Fatty: Don't escape the house, it is where your food is! Also, roll around on the ground a few times a day. It is good for your spinal chord and if you do it when the humans are around they think you are "adorable" and feed you more.
Bentley: clean your dirty kitty parts consistently. Yes, clean it. Trying to do it elegantly and discretely, for example, at the top of the bookcase or in the bathtub, was not appreciated by the human. So I gave up trying to make her happy and just decided to fare il bidet whenever, wherever. Usually the time she watches her soap opera works for me, on the couch, next to her and she hates that and puts me on the ground but whatever. Just clean it.
7. You two are very suave cats. Do you have a favorite entertainment venue?
Fatty: Watching the human clean my litter pan is soothing and relaxing like the oceans waves.
Bentley: I love music especially French singer Edith Piaf, Bossa Nova and Samba. I could sit ontop of the speakers day after day listing to any of that.
Well, thank you kitties for your generous time spent with me today. I can assure you that your many fans will be reading the next edition of the Gattoni Federation Magazine as they lick their paws and put posters of you up on their walls. Thank you for your support of our Federation and for your support of other kitties in shelters!
1. Fatty and Bentley, we have heard that you are very brave traveling cats, but is there anything you are afraid of?
Fatty: Totally afraid of an empty food bowl, that is the worst! The vacuum and the humans who walk backwards without looking to see that I am between their feet are other things that terrify me.
Bentley: Nail polish remover. That stuff smells like poison! It reminds me of the time I drank bleach and almost died! I'll seriously scream for hours if I smell nail polish remover.
2. Wow! It sounds like you two have a lot of advice on how to avoid death! Have either of you had near death encounters or traveled to the other side of life?
Fatty: I travel to the light every time my food bowl gets empty. There is just little reason to live any more at that point. Other than that, I gave the human a good scare when her mom left after visiting. GrannyCat with curls was the best, she used to pet me with her bare foot because she doesn't like cats and I looooved the smell of her foot cream. Thinking of living without her really made me mad. I wanted to go snuggle on her bed to see if I could get any last scent of foot cream but the human wouldn't let me. So, I refused to eat or drink water for a few days, had a decent seizure then the human cried, almost lost her job for calling out because of her cat and took me wailing to the vet who told her to put me on GrannyCat's bed. An hour later I was smelling that intoxicating foot cream and being spoon fed tuna fish. That's how I do things.
Bentley: Bleach, toilet cleaner and strings. Don't eat them. It will make you feel like you are hacking a hairball for days. While you feel like you are dying, Fatty will lick your ears so strong your ear canal gets polished. Then the human will corner you, force your mouth open and squirt water, medicine and soft food making a mess on your perfectly coiffed whiskers. Stay away from the smelly cleaning products!
3. Fatty and Bentley, we have heard so much about your travels in Italy from Venice to Florence and Rome. We heard the human trained you to fly and travel. Do you have any favorite traveling moments or tips for other cats?
Fatty and Bentley look at each other....
Fatty: We went to Italy? When did that happen...
Bentley: Nope, don't remember going to Italy. I must have missed it during my naps.
4. Well, it seems like you two certainly like to do a lot of sleeping, as most cats. Where are your favorite places to nap?
Fatty: Under that cool rolling chair in the study. I like seeing the man jump in fright when he thinks he is going to squish me when he stands up. Haha, funny....Oh, warm, freshly ironed clothes are also right up there on the list. Their crispness, warmness and smell of Downy just invite my freshly manicured nails to dig and dig till I make a perfect napping nest on them.
Bentley: the bed, but I have been forbidden from it. I know those humans like their pillows so I have been very diplomatic in taking naps at the foot of the bed, but for some reason I still get chased off. They don't like any of my napping nests. They just don't get that the best napping nests are on top of the fridge, the new couch pillows, the mans clothes, and the desk behind the computer. Watching them type really puts me to sleep. If they go too fast I want to smack their fingers to go slower and they don't seem to like that. Napping with a view is great because you always have something interesting to see to put you to sleep and to wake up to.
 |
| Nap with a view. |
5. It seems like those humans really get in the way! What is the best way to deal with them?
Fatty: Guilt administered telepathically. It works to get treats everytime. For example, the human likes to eat Ritz crackers with Nutella after dinner by herself in the kitchen. Sometimes she eats an olive or drinks a cup of milk with it which is totally gross. I just look at her with big accepting eyes that don't judge her and tell her that I am a gross fatty like her too that also wants a snack. I usually get a generous portion of food after that with lots of chin rubs. Ahhh guilt.
Bentley: Cuddle them as much as possible.
When that doesn't work, howl. Howling is my specialty. I'm too honest and impatient to deal with telepathic communication like Fatty. If I want something bad enough it makes me cry till I get it.
6. You two seem to have some great secrets on how to live well. Are there any health tips you have for other cats out there?
Fatty: Don't escape the house, it is where your food is! Also, roll around on the ground a few times a day. It is good for your spinal chord and if you do it when the humans are around they think you are "adorable" and feed you more.
 |
| rolling |
Bentley: clean your dirty kitty parts consistently. Yes, clean it. Trying to do it elegantly and discretely, for example, at the top of the bookcase or in the bathtub, was not appreciated by the human. So I gave up trying to make her happy and just decided to fare il bidet whenever, wherever. Usually the time she watches her soap opera works for me, on the couch, next to her and she hates that and puts me on the ground but whatever. Just clean it.
7. You two are very suave cats. Do you have a favorite entertainment venue?
Fatty: Watching the human clean my litter pan is soothing and relaxing like the oceans waves.
Bentley: I love music especially French singer Edith Piaf, Bossa Nova and Samba. I could sit ontop of the speakers day after day listing to any of that.
Well, thank you kitties for your generous time spent with me today. I can assure you that your many fans will be reading the next edition of the Gattoni Federation Magazine as they lick their paws and put posters of you up on their walls. Thank you for your support of our Federation and for your support of other kitties in shelters!
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