Seven Habits of Highly Effective Cat People

This blog is written to commemorate the 14th birthday of Fatty (El Gordo) and Bentley. "Happy Birthday, old sweet Kittens. I hope you enjoy your new litter box and the Ritz cracker you split."

Happy birthday old buddies!

Why are cat owners called Cat Ladies and Cat People? It is because cats transform the way you live, quietly yet forcefully so that you know their rules. They are not pack animals, they are little spoiled things that want things done their way. If you are going to live with a cat, or are currently inhabiting the same dwelling with one, there are some tips to help you in your daily life.

My mom was / is a huge fan of the book "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" or was it"How to Win Friends and Influence People"? I can't remember which one she liked more. So I will do both.

Here, my friends, are Seven Habits of Highly Effective Cat People

1. Tentatively name your cat. A cat's name is a mystery and you will never know its true name till about year 3-10 of owning it. So be flexible with the name. You might name it B-mer but later call it Tiny, Meenols, then Fatty and then realize he is a Mexican wrestler in the body of a cat and name it El Gordo.

El Gordo in his glory

2. Change his water daily or kitty will get a urinary tract infection which can kill him in 24 hours and cost you  your broken heart and a lot of money. Kitties can get UTI's so easy if you don't change their water daily. Besides, who likes drinking stagnant water? Not me.

My little shadow, Bentley

3. The Kitten's toilet: Clean the litter box daily, change the sand bi-weekly and give the kitty a new box bi-annually. It keeps your house clean, your health better and your kitten's health in better condition. If your cat is stepping all over its chocolate nuggets then jumping on your table...traces of chocolate yucky will go in your food and your bloodstream and turn you into a green sad person.

These Paws are made for walking and that's just what they'll do. 

One of these days these paws will walk all over you. 

4.  Brush your old kittens once a week. They can't hack up their hairballs and need help eliminating all the extra hair.

Fur ball galore.

5. Talk to your cats...they know what you mean more than you do sometimes. "Bentley, we are going on vacation and will be back soon." The cat goes to sit on your luggage.

I know what is going on.

6. Don't snack around your cats if you are not going to give them a snack too. It's just rude and they will stare at you like if you gained 1000 pounds.

7. Everything in your house is a potential bed. Decide what you want saved and buy something soft, plump and cushy and put it near a window. Kitten will sleep here and will not destroy your home.

Purr-fect solution. Kitten bed under the iron board near a window. YAWN! Nap time. See ya in 15 hours. 

Marshalls has cheap but good stuff.

8. Speak politely to your cat. They don't respond well to disrespect and know when  you called them a fata**. If they are in the way don't shove them. Say, "Excuse me, Mr. Cat but could you please move?" And they will (slowly) get out of the way. If you are rude, or sprinkle water on them, or shove them, they will remember and get revenge.

This little muffin will get revenge in the quietest types of ways. "You like that rug? Just wait till you leave. I'm about to unravel it."

How to Make Friends and Influence People.

Step 1: Talk about your cats as an ice-breaker. Either:
           A: The people you talk to will find cats charming and will be your friend.
           B: The people won't like cats and therefore can't be trusted. Keep walking.

How to influence people: Mimic your cat. Make them think you agree while keeping your final goal in mind and working their mind in that direction quietly and discreetly. You will win. If all else fails: Purr. If that doesn't work, smack them. Maybe that will open the right doors.