A Darker Hour
How do you feel about daylight savings time? I know how we feel about it here:
The first day it was blissful to get an hour extra of sleep! Then the sun went down a lot quicker and it seemed cute. After three days it seemed awful. It was like getting dumped by fall. All of the blissful colors, and beautiful feelings and afternoons with sun and bright red maple trees were quickly taken away. Fall dumped us. And we are left with nothing but memories, naked cold trees, dark nights starting at 5 pm and souls ready to make up with Fall. What did we do wrong to deserve winter?!
Winter beginning has already had me cooking stews and eating gooey things to no end.
In other areas of my life, winter seemed to come on with zero mercy. I will give one example of my cat but there have been a few disquieting things going on in these parts of the woods.
Fatty got gravely ill and introduced a new chapter of geriatric cat living to my life, and we thought he would die within days.
Fatty's illness was a big wake-up call for me in many ways. I didn't think that I would feel so sad to see my sweet old little cat begin his path to death. I'm tough and resilient yet thinking of my cat with his cute little face and constant presence following me not being there anymore would turn me into a pool of tears.
Then the sadness made me feel silly for praying to feel calm through losing my little buddy and kept me from praying with honesty leaving the part of Fatty out so my sadness remained. I was reminded by a sweet old priest that God cares about every detail of our lives, even the ones that we think are meaningless to Him, like sweet cat, but He still cares about those details because He has infinite love for us.
Fatty's illness prompted me to think about others suffering, people suffering that is and what it must be like for our fellow humans who are sick and dying and have no one to care for or comfort them. My little old cat has me and he is more fortunate than many people who are alone and ill.
It made me want to go out and find those people who live close to me and help them in their last moments of life. (Honestly, it could be any one of us looking at St. Michael coming to take us!) But for those who die more regularly, you know the old fashioned way of having aches and pains and indigestion and diarrhea till the whole machine breaks down, you might want to have someone to show up occasionally to tell you that you still matter in this busy big world.
Another thing that Fatty made me think of are the people that suffer in California right now. They didn't see this awful fire coming, and one day they were fine as a whistle living the life most of the world can only dream of, and the next day they were burned to death. The more I thought about it, the more I was convinced to pray for the suffering and when I suffer, to think about them and pray for them even not knowing my fellow humans in crisis.
Lastly, sorry if this is a heavy post but you know, life is not all sparkles and catnip. The last thing I thought about today was about how in the midst of sadness and illness and despair there is always the promise and joy of Christ that keeps a part of our hearts in peace if we remember that He is there waiting for us to look inside, look away from our spinning head and reasoning, and see Him. I read this verse tonight that reminded me of where to look next time my head starts spinning with sadness,
It seems like there is a constant tug between our soul disquieting us from turning to God, and instead we have the option to despair, eat too much cheese, be angry and go into depressive moods. For me, it is comforting to be reminded that God will be there to be praised for loving me even when everything around me and my world feels disquieted.
To wrap up, I would like to pray for the souls of my Californian brothers and sisters who have died with the fires and also all people who are dying alone and in pain or torture. May our Holy Mother comfort them with her presence and wrap her mantle around them. May their guardian angels hold them in their wings and let their souls only feel peace.
I love the Stella Maris prayer for Mary the Star of the Sea. It was said by sailors facing terrifying death in the storms of the sea.
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| I'm staying in bed till it's warm again outside. Please go to Costco and bring enough cat food to last through the winter till May. Thank you. |
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| Why why why is it so cold? |
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| The other side. |
The first day it was blissful to get an hour extra of sleep! Then the sun went down a lot quicker and it seemed cute. After three days it seemed awful. It was like getting dumped by fall. All of the blissful colors, and beautiful feelings and afternoons with sun and bright red maple trees were quickly taken away. Fall dumped us. And we are left with nothing but memories, naked cold trees, dark nights starting at 5 pm and souls ready to make up with Fall. What did we do wrong to deserve winter?!
 |
| Fall dumped us. All that is left are the memories of the colorful leaves. |
Winter beginning has already had me cooking stews and eating gooey things to no end.
 |
| Tortilla soup |
 |
| Soup in a mug on the couch with a cat. Check. |
 |
| Lasagna. check! |
 |
| Brunch in Baltimore with my dear soul sister. Check! |
In other areas of my life, winter seemed to come on with zero mercy. I will give one example of my cat but there have been a few disquieting things going on in these parts of the woods.
Fatty got gravely ill and introduced a new chapter of geriatric cat living to my life, and we thought he would die within days.
 |
| "I'm on my way out, friends! Get ready to say good-bye! I'm all done with this life and Fancy Feast with gravy won't be enough to tempt me to stay! Please send catnip before I die." |
Fatty's illness was a big wake-up call for me in many ways. I didn't think that I would feel so sad to see my sweet old little cat begin his path to death. I'm tough and resilient yet thinking of my cat with his cute little face and constant presence following me not being there anymore would turn me into a pool of tears.
Then the sadness made me feel silly for praying to feel calm through losing my little buddy and kept me from praying with honesty leaving the part of Fatty out so my sadness remained. I was reminded by a sweet old priest that God cares about every detail of our lives, even the ones that we think are meaningless to Him, like sweet cat, but He still cares about those details because He has infinite love for us.
Fatty's illness prompted me to think about others suffering, people suffering that is and what it must be like for our fellow humans who are sick and dying and have no one to care for or comfort them. My little old cat has me and he is more fortunate than many people who are alone and ill.
 |
| Seriously good treatment! |
 |
| You matter so much and all who are suffering alone are also very loved! |
Another thing that Fatty made me think of are the people that suffer in California right now. They didn't see this awful fire coming, and one day they were fine as a whistle living the life most of the world can only dream of, and the next day they were burned to death. The more I thought about it, the more I was convinced to pray for the suffering and when I suffer, to think about them and pray for them even not knowing my fellow humans in crisis.
 |
| We are all in this life together. |
Lastly, sorry if this is a heavy post but you know, life is not all sparkles and catnip. The last thing I thought about today was about how in the midst of sadness and illness and despair there is always the promise and joy of Christ that keeps a part of our hearts in peace if we remember that He is there waiting for us to look inside, look away from our spinning head and reasoning, and see Him. I read this verse tonight that reminded me of where to look next time my head starts spinning with sadness,
Psalm 41:12 "Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why dost thou disquiet me? Hope thou in God, for I will still give praise to Him: the salvation of my countenance and my God."
 |
| Bentley has been angry with me, blaming me for his brother being sick. It's endearing. |
To wrap up, I would like to pray for the souls of my Californian brothers and sisters who have died with the fires and also all people who are dying alone and in pain or torture. May our Holy Mother comfort them with her presence and wrap her mantle around them. May their guardian angels hold them in their wings and let their souls only feel peace.
I love the Stella Maris prayer for Mary the Star of the Sea. It was said by sailors facing terrifying death in the storms of the sea.
Hail, you Star of Sea!
Portal of the sky,
Ever Virgin Mother,
Of the Lord most high.
O! by Gabriel's Ave,
Uttered long ago,
Eva's name reversing,
Establish peace below.
Break the captive's fetters;
Light on blindness pour;
All our ills expelling,
Every bliss implore.
Show yourself a mother;
Offer him our sighs,
Who for us Incarnate
Did not you despise.
Virgin of all virgins!
To your shelter take us;
Gentlest of the gentle!
Chaste and gentle make us.
Still as on we journey,
Help our weak endeavor,
Till with you and Jesus
We rejoice forever.
Through the highest heaven,
To the Almighty Three,
Father, Son, and Spirit,
One same glory be.
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