Spring in the air!
I'm surprised that I'm attempting to write a blog post as I feel the feeling one has when she has morphed into a zombie that is a teacher looking for political correct ways to say things while having a real life that is also staring at me like a hungry cat waiting for its food.
For my friends and mother whom I promised to call: Forgive me. I became the old woman who lived in a shoe. Your friend and daughter is no more.
This week catastrophe rained down on 2nd grade, our home squirrel problem was underway getting fixed (soundtrack of crying dying squirrels), and the Chef was gone so I was feeling like circus clown. But, apart from the rain there was also sunshine. Literal sunshine:
1. Little girl broke clavicle while jumping on bed and falling off bed. Said child is ok and was told not to play at recess but to color instead. Little girl snuck off, and ran joyfully but then got kicked in the face at recess while running through the swinging wild children. She became the wailing little girl of sorrows. Teacher nearly had heart attack.
2. Police was called for another child. He needs serious prayer. Teacher nearly had heart attack.
3. Little angelic boy fell playing, opened head, and required staples. Yes, my hands got covered in bright red sticky blood. Yes, I almost fainted and vomited at the same time. Said child is recovering. Teacher nearly had heart attack.
1. All children were given a higher level spelling list and all got great grades on their test! Repetition and examples every morning during class helped!
2. Field trip to the baseball game was great. Little ones were dutifully given fluffy pink cotton candy by teacher to keep them calm. This doesn't make sense but it did at the moment to keep them from escaping while they ate.
The 2nd grade dined sumptuously on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, hot dogs, chips and gulped little boxes of fruit juice. Then one little girl went to the bathroom, came out with a giant smile and with all her teeth shining proudly proclaimed to me, "I made a giant poop!" I didn't know if to be happy for her, or horrified that it happened in a filthy baseball stadium bathroom, or if I should consider the trajectory my life has taken professionally speaking, so I did none of them and just congratulated her to which she nodded and happily skipped away obviously feeling much lighter.
3. Second grade made flying dinosaurs and we hung them from the ceiling while listening to Bach. This made the teacher extraordinarily happy.
Rain:
Meh, bleh, huh, yeah...........oh dear, but it isn't that bad after all, or is it? But that blood was scary. And life needs my attention. And the dishes patiently wait to be washed.
Sunshine:
1. Lovely trip to the Walter's with one of my very most favorite people.
Maximilian I had this as a little boy. Dearest Walters Art Gallery, can I please borrow this for the wild 2nd grade class? Thank you, concerned Teacher.
Dear Walters, any of the following would also be appreciated. Love, 2nd grade Teacher.
2. Yummy sandwich with avocado. Avocado always helps, especially when you find it in your sandwich.
3. A guide to interpreting email signatures in this week's "New Yorker". Below are my favorites and good night!
For my friends and mother whom I promised to call: Forgive me. I became the old woman who lived in a shoe. Your friend and daughter is no more.
This week catastrophe rained down on 2nd grade, our home squirrel problem was underway getting fixed (soundtrack of crying dying squirrels), and the Chef was gone so I was feeling like circus clown. But, apart from the rain there was also sunshine. Literal sunshine:
The Rain for Second grade:
 |
| Classroom before Mrs. Teacher tidied it. |
1. Little girl broke clavicle while jumping on bed and falling off bed. Said child is ok and was told not to play at recess but to color instead. Little girl snuck off, and ran joyfully but then got kicked in the face at recess while running through the swinging wild children. She became the wailing little girl of sorrows. Teacher nearly had heart attack.
2. Police was called for another child. He needs serious prayer. Teacher nearly had heart attack.
3. Little angelic boy fell playing, opened head, and required staples. Yes, my hands got covered in bright red sticky blood. Yes, I almost fainted and vomited at the same time. Said child is recovering. Teacher nearly had heart attack.
Second grade sunshine:
1. All children were given a higher level spelling list and all got great grades on their test! Repetition and examples every morning during class helped!
2. Field trip to the baseball game was great. Little ones were dutifully given fluffy pink cotton candy by teacher to keep them calm. This doesn't make sense but it did at the moment to keep them from escaping while they ate.
3. Second grade made flying dinosaurs and we hung them from the ceiling while listening to Bach. This made the teacher extraordinarily happy.
In life:
Meh, bleh, huh, yeah...........oh dear, but it isn't that bad after all, or is it? But that blood was scary. And life needs my attention. And the dishes patiently wait to be washed.
Sunshine:
1. Lovely trip to the Walter's with one of my very most favorite people.
2. Yummy sandwich with avocado. Avocado always helps, especially when you find it in your sandwich.
3. A guide to interpreting email signatures in this week's "New Yorker". Below are my favorites and good night!
My favorites:
“All best”: This person has gone completely off the rails. You should be very nice to her, because she is obviously having a personal problem. If you saw her at home, she would be grimly bouncing on an exercise ball, muttering, “All best, all best, all best, all best” and wondering whom to say it to next.
“Best”: This indicates the highest level of effortless elegance and agility in business affairs. If you are signing off “Best,” you are clearly in the middle of an intensely legitimate correspondence. You and the recipient both have classy paperweights, substantial fountain pens, and completely illegible yet very sophisticated signatures; you’re probably both “scary good” at oral sex and are open to everything, but have also mastered the art of saying “no.”
“Yours”: No one knows what the hell this means. A tremendous amount of research has been done, but it’s still not clear if the person who signs off with this really thinks, or wants to indicate, that she is “yours,” nor is it clear whether “Yours” is romantic or simply congenial. Tread lightly with this person. Anything could mean anything at this point. You’re basically in a virtual-reality maze where question marks are bouncing through the air amid wacky fartsounds.
“Thanks”: This is completely sarcastic.
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